


Good Enough

by TheOtherCourse (kanevixen)



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Asgard, Asgard (Marvel), Best Friends, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Friendship, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 10:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3206525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanevixen/pseuds/TheOtherCourse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allana and Loki have been friends since childhood. When the night of the Three Moons Ball arrives, Allana can’t quite face the truth of another woman on his arm, and questions whether she’ll ever be good enough for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Based heavily on For Good from the musical Wicked, because I love that song.

My heart sank all the way to my fancy ball shoes at the sight of it. What I suspected and dreaded for weeks came to fruition, and right before my very eyes. The betrayal, the jealousy burned with the torment of years of wanting, yearning and holding my tongue. How does one confess their heart to their best friend? How should I confess my heart? Why should I?

As part of the royal family of Asgard, Loki was destined for greatness, to become a ruler, a king, a God. He was so skilled in things such as sorcery, magics, duplication, charms, shape shifting and talking his way out of trouble or punishment with the officials around the palace. He charmed me with his tricks and mischievous ways by the time I was ten and I’d been smitten ever since. He was so clever, so intuitive, several steps ahead of most any high ranking person, with a decent amount of intellect.

I covered my crush with false annoyance and avoidance, but Loki was a master manipulator and cold see through my ruse. We remained friends, the best of friends, since our school days, without complication and we were comfortable.

Until the Three Moons Ball.                     

Frozen in time, frozen to the spot I stood with the skirts of my gown in my fists, I watched my heart shatter into countless fractured pieces.

Loki had talked of her, of course, but he’d always made it sound like it was his duty to the All father, what was expected of him as royalty, his sworn allegiance to gain Odin’s approval, something he sought for as long as I’d known him. But he always felt he lived in Thor’s shadow, the golden on, the first born, the pride and joy of the whole of the Nine Realms, I never understood why Loki could never recognize his own talents.

I lived in the shadow of the royal princesses that Odin paraded through the palace for Thor and Loki, assuming marriage and the possibility of the continuation of the line of the male heirs. I was not paraded, I was not a princess, I was a nobody, just another face among the crowd that served the royal family. I felt even less than that as Loki took the hand of the Princess of Vanaheim, Lady Siv.

She was named ‘bride’ by her parents to attract the highest and wealthiest of the royals. She resembled the meaning of her name dressed in a majestic, pristine white gown with her golden hair styled like a halo. When Loki smiled for her as he escorted her from the grand staircase to her dinner seat beside his that was the moment my heart broke.

Suddenly my feet took flight before my emotional avalanche began, before I could make a spectacle of myself, I ran as fast as I could, but no amount of distance would alleviate the vicelike grip on my heart, the sight of the man I loved with everything I had offering his arm to another woman.

That princely welcoming smile he gave her when she accepted tore through me as sharp and as lethal as Sif’s warrior blade.

No amount of distance would slow the tears streaming down my face. No amount of distance would even stop them. No amount of distance would replace my heart within my chest.

I ran until I heard my sobs echoing around me in the palace gardens, surrounded by lush, blooming foliage and the vivid colors of life. The garden breathed of energy and liveliness and spirit, everything that had been stolen from me within the blink of an eye. I collapsed on a stone bench as I felt only black within my chest.

“I’ll never be good enough,” I spoke brokenly to no one, hoping to alleviate the ache within my chest, unburden myself of the pain. “I’ll never amount to anything… not worthy of a man much less a king.”

The confession voiced to the impressive garden plants did nothing for the ache in my chest, or the tears that flowed freely like the great waterfall I could hear in the distance. I buried my face in my hands and surrendered to the lonliness and the truth that I would always be alone – completely and utterly alone.

“Allana?” the velvety voice that lived in my life’s blood spoke a long time later. “Allana? Where have you gone off to?”

The shame and embarrassment of being caught crying stopped my tears in an instant. I swiped the wetness from my face quickly with my fingers, doing my best to cover up my massive display of a broken heart. My eyes were red and puffy from the display of emotion but I’d be damned if I couldn’t blame some mystery ailment.

“Allana? Announce yourself at once,” the playful command boomed through the gardens. The trickster always played this way, ordering people around like the king he would be one day.

“Loki… I’m here,” I said reluctantly to the long lean figure at the mouth of the courtyard, looking so handsome and so powerful in his best black armour, washed with pale moonlight.

“Forgive me,” I called to his position at the mouth of the courtyard. “I needed some air.”

“The ballroom can be rather humid, what with all those bodies in motion and the cooked meal. Are you well?”

Heaving in a much needed lungful of air, thankful for the slight cover of twilight to hide my features, I said, “Not so well, your majesty.” I pulled the last of my wits about me as he grew closer. “I’m not up to a feast, I’m afraid.”

He took the final steps to close the gap between us and sat beside me on the bench.

“Please send my sincerest apologies to the All Father and his queen for my absence… when you return, Loki.”

“Allana, you must attend. The food will do you some good and perhaps keep you from being alone,” he informed me with a knowing gaze at my profile.

I couldn’t let him see how much his courting another woman upset me, but there was no way I could return to that ballroom to witness more displays of his care and attention on another. “I’d rather be alone… than at that feast.” Covering up the hurtful statement and the emotions it revealed, I said, “I’d be mortified if I was ill in front of others.”

His voice lowered in register and in volume as he almost leaned into me, “You appear fine to me, Yana.” That piercing jade gaze bore into my profile with an intensity that weighed heavily on me. Could he see my pain? Could he read that my blood pumped through me for him?

I shot up to my feet and marched away from him, down a familiar path. I couldn’t handle a well-hidden compliment, I couldn’t handle any form of comfort from him. Not now. Not after what I saw.

“Yana,” he said in surprise to my retreating figure. “Yana, where are you running off to now? You always flee, run when a situation escalates.” The voice that haunted my every thought, every dream, every hope, and every breath I took spoke from behind me, following after me, ensuring that I couldn’t escape.

“Loki, I have to go home,” I lied unconvincingly with a resigned frown, keeping my back to him. Why lie to the trickster, the one being that could spot a lie before it was spoken? “This is not a place for me. I don’t belong here.”

“Allana, you belong here as much as anyone else here.” His tone lowered matching the serenity of the sanctuary of the Palace Maze, locking secrets in and reality out. His statement – it resonated and rang false.

“I don’t. I’m not like you.”

I heard him approach, felt him draw closer to me, then his long fingers coiled around my wrist to keep me from another step away. “My Yana, stay… please stay.”

His request stopped my feet in my tracks. All I could do was concentrate on the feel of his skin on mine, the sensation of warmth, of home, of belonging radiated through my system, easing my troubled heart. Could this be another trick? Could this be another lie? I couldn’t find the persuasion to care, I was too swept up in the peace he gave me.

“Tell me what bothers you.”

I sighed, “Where do I begin, Loki? The ball, the people, the expectations, the princesses, the royalty, the complete and utter torture of watching you with another woman, the inevitability that I will be alone, that you will never be mine-”

That was the moment all of the worlds stopped spinning, life stopped evolving, all of Yggdrasill shrunk to nothingness. I’d said what I never thought I would, not to another person, certainly not to the God himself.

Silence.

There was nothing more. The hum and buzz of protection over Asgard disappeared. The waterfall in the distance dried up. The blackbirds in Odin’s courtyard cawed no more.

Loki spun me around so I would finally look at him, shocked that I’d spoken only truth. “Yana, you’ve never said anything to me about this. We’ve been friends, best friends for-”

“For always,” I whispered up into his long distinguished face.

“This is why you have never let another court you.” It was a statement, but I could see that he was waiting for confirmation from me.

I merely nodded, a slight dip of my chin to my chest, my eyes never leaving his, so intent on mine.

“Yana, my beautiful Yana…” He lifted his hand to stroke my cheek with the back of his fingers, a gentle caress that touched my broken heart. “We have been so foolishly proud, and have wasted so much time. Don’t you see?”

I didn’t see. I didn’t know what he meant. I was stuck in the pool of his eyes, and I never wanted to be free.

“These balls that Odin and Frigga have hosted… they were my doing. I suggested the sons of the throne have their choice of bride. I suggested that they secure the throne for centuries and generations to come.”

“I can’t hear this,” I said softly as tear filled my eyes once more.

“Only to make you jealous, my dear heart. Only to insight your rage, your love that remained dormant for so long. I’ve wanted you, Yana… for always.” He echoed my words. His arms wrapped around me, embracing me into his impressive physique, and I went limply. He held so much of me already, I willingly gave him the rest.

“Let me see the truth of it, my dear heart. Let me hear the truth of it. Tell me your heart.”

From the quietest recesses of my heart and soul, I finally admitted freely, “I love you, Loki.”

“And I you.”

Proving his point, dismissing all doubt, he lowered his lips to mine, capturing them with his in the sweetest endearment of a kiss. I wasn’t alone anymore, and neither was he. We didn’t need to belong to the palace, to the royal family or anywhere else, only each other.

I was good enough, for Loki, and that was enough for me.


End file.
